One More Flight

I cant believe its been almost a year since I last posted a blog. It's been far too long!Even more so there have been so many worthy topics, life events and changes.

And even over the past few weeks I've felt so compelled to contribute a few words on some subjects (like the overweight anchor who struck back against a critical viewer -don't even get me started on the emails I receive from viewers sometimes) that I almost posted...almost.

But now sitting on one more plane, thousands of feet above Texas, this time headed to visit my family in Atlanta, I feel like there really is no time like the present to write...especially with my head spinning and screaming for release.

This is my third trip to Atlanta this year to see my family. I've taken three trips to California to compete in races: one in San Diego, one in Orange County and one in Malibu. I flew to Dallas to pick up my car at the end of July. I travel to Austin quite frequently to hang out with friends and just have a change of scenery.

I love to travel. I love to fly. I love the amazing circle of people in my life and I love to visit friends that live all over the nation. And having been a journalist for well over a decade I literally have friends/former co-workers/colleagues all over the world. Many of which I am blessed to see and visit when I can.

But travel and vacations are relatively new to me. Up until last year I was so focused on my career that I didn't take time off for fun. I would take the obligatory time off during the holidays (Christmas) to see my family but that was about it.

I was so busy trying to eek my way in life that I wasn't living. I would move to a city, work for a few years and when my contract was done so was I. I was off and on to another place and town. I never established roots, relationships were always temporary and "just for fun," never long term because I could leave at any time.

Then I moved to San Antonio. I've been in the Alamo City seven whole years. That is the longest time this nomadic girl has been in one place in well over a decade. Since being here I've bought and sold a home, bought and sold several cars, bought two Harley's and dated all types.

I've dated professional athletes, musicians, businessmen, regular joes, doctors, lawyers, a construction worker, high brau, low brau, men of all different shapes, sizes, heights, ethnicities and still not met my prince.

I say this again as I'm on a plane reeling from the flurry of angry, bitter, jealous and just plane mean text messages I received from the latest frog that never materialized into a prince.

A highlight towards the end of a long tirade of character assassinations: "It scares me that you haven't been in a long term relationship. Is it them or you? How many bad guys can someone really meet."

My immediate thought...well I met you! But instead I took the high road suggesting we not be hurtful and hateful and just admit we're not a match for each other and move on. I don't need to fight with or play with mean people anymore. It's wasted energy.

But really my history runs anywhere from several weeks to about two years (the average contract length for a TV job) and I'm realizing that these days I am unwilling to stay in relationships that don't work. If we're not compatible at six weeks. We probably aren't going to be compatible at five years. So why would I waste my time in a LTR? To prove I know how to be miserable?

Also it's not easy dating on my schedule. It gets old having the girlfriend who goes to bed at 7 p.m. Dating during the week is tricky. Who's up for the Luby's early bird special? Weekends are full of races, travel, emceed events and the like. But there are perks. I get invited to a lot of fun functions, movie openings, concerts and galas. Something the last frog didn't like nor appreciate (bitter party of 1).

So I've decided I'm now taking auditions for the part of boyfriend. Qualifications: single (separated, unhappily married, in the process of getting divorced need not apply) athletic or works out, tall, educated, financially self sufficient, has a job, not allergic to cats, kind to animals, likes to dance (country, salsa, club), surprises me with flowers regularly, doesn't mind the fact that I go to bed early during the week, no visible tattoos/piercings, non-smoker, non-drug user, motorcycle enthusiast a plus, good table manners, be creative about dates (I don't do dinner and a movie- I'm a zip lining kind of girl), someone who likes to laugh, travel and see where the wind takes them. Oh...also opening doors is a courtesy I return.

Alas I kid about the audition. But as I sit on a plane, sipping my Starbucks, headed for one more race and one more adventure, I still have hope that one day I will find my frog that will magically materialize into Prince Charming.

Runners High

It has been 7 months since I quit smoking. After a nearly twenty year love/hate relationship with nicotine, I bit the bullet and gave up my beloved cigs. This was back in May. At that point I could hardly climb a flight of stairs much less run fifty yards without getting winded. Then in late September, on my cruise, I started running.

To my surprise, I found that with very little effort I could run a mile. I wasn't even winded. I was floored because for so long I had struggled to do any cardio even though I had been a regular at the gym.

When I returned from vacation I began pushing myself to run further - first two miles, then four. I'm now up to six a day. My pace is nothing impressive - between 12-13 minutes a mile. But the fact that I can run still amazes me every day.

When I catch my stride and my lungs fill with air, propelling me to go the distance; when I reach the bottom of a hill and my legs have the strength to push me on just a little further; and when I finally finish for the day and my feet stop moving, I feel strong and free - It's a high like I've never known.

All this from someone who seven months ago barely had enough breath to climb a flight of stairs.

A few years ago I lost my Cookie Grandmother to lung cancer. She smoked until the very end. I truly believe that I am blessed, that each day is a gift - let us make every one count.

Say What??

Every day things are said on air, off air, in the newsroom and stuff just happens in the studio that cracks me up or strikes me as powerful. I always tell myself I need to write that down or tweet it or something but usually I get distracted.


Here's a few of the latest witty comments that have made my day...hopefully they'll make yours a little brighter too

From a floor crew member: I'm so broke I can't even pay attention


When I asked a photographer about the bible in his car: Me: Is that in case you need some extra reinforcements? Him: It's my shield and my sword.


Some Brandon Roddy song remixes:

Sung to "Here I go again" by Whitesnake: Here I go again on my phone, texting everyone I've ever known...

Sung to Toadies "Possum Kingdom": Do you want some fries, chili cheese fries...

A news parody of "Beat it" by the King of Pop: The prompter may be wrong and you know that you're right but just read it, read it, read it, just read it, read it --ooo

That's just a few of the many songs I've heard Roddy bust out that I can remember but they're always perfectly timed.

We've also come up with swear word alternatives like Flock you and Fluff you - all inside jokes based on news stories that have struck us as hilarious at 4:30 am.

I have to admit we get a little wacky in the studio on the morning shift. Us early birds are a strange bunch with a strange sense of humor. And when we occasionally get let out of our cages aka the cold studio we don't always interact well in public.

There's a reason Paul's nickname is the Chango de Clima...he is a wild animal. Just kidding. You don't need to hide your children. He really is a very talented meterologist who enjoys embarassing himself via the Friday dance.

Some other secrets...Fred sings when we're not on air. He actually has an amazing voice and a wicked sense of humor. Sarah Forgany also has an amazing voice and a lot of passion for the show. She strives for excellence every morning. She's also a very tall 5'3" :)

So what about others in the KENS 5 newsroom? Stacia Willson...wow what a sense of style...I'd love to have half of her wardrobe. Joe Conger shares a cubie wall with me - he's an amazing still photographer and father in addition to being our veteran Chupacabra hunter.

Christopher Heath is such a proud father - I love seeing pics of his new son on his iPad. Barry Davis is probably one of the people I have known the longest here in San Antonio. I've been friends with him since December of 2005 - he's one of my mentors and I always seek his opinion with my writing. When anchoring I always ask "How would Barry write this?"

Marvin is the cool cat with an understated sense of humor and when I was a field reporter, I used to wish I had even half the contacts he had. Noelle has a passion for rescue dogs and has taken several into her home. James Munoz is a published author, Karen Grace - an adjunct professor at OLLU and Wendy Rigby has been given just about every award in the book for her medical reporting.

A few others...Brian New, Sarah Lucero and Jeff Vaughn are all expecting additions to their family later this year. Deborah Knapp and Bridget Smith are two of the classiest women I have ever met. Bridget also didn't have a FB until a week or so ago and she's considering writing a book about relationships. Eileen Teeves is a spin instructor and a marathon runner.

There are so many others who work behind the scenes that I haven't mentioned and really, I could go on and on about the family I spend 8-12 hours a day with. But mostly I am just grateful for the comic relief, love and emotional support they supply me with.

So this is dedicated to the "Peasant Floor Crewians" who make my world go round...thank you for everything.

Perks

On a whole I think I live a pretty blessed life. But I do enjoy some pretty great perks. Did I mention that my roommate Tori works at Starbucks?

Yes, in addition to being my best friend - she faithfully brings home a pound of my favorite SBucks coffee every other week - sweet! She also works at a location that is surprisingly close to the station...so occasionally a co-worker will drop by to pick up a drink on their way to KENS and she add's a Venti, sugar free, vanilla latte with 2% milk to their order just for me :)

However there are perks to being my friend too! Like having another person who wakes up at the ungodly hour of "You get up when?" and I always know when its National Strawberry Ice Cream Sundae Day.

Yeah life is good.

~n

Cluck, Cluck

Yesterday was National Fried Chicken day and not being one to not celebrate I rounded up a group of friends to partake in the crispy goodness that has become a staple in the south.


But on this holy of holidays not any KFC, Popeyes or Churches would do...we needed good ol' home cooking to really do this particular poultry day justice.

We, meaning Debra, Danny and his younger brother Anthony, originally intended to head over to Mr. & Mrs. G's on the Eastside but it turned out my favorite soul food joint was closed for an extended 4th of July vacation....oh the horror and on National Fried Chicken Day!

So our fearless foursome hit up the next best place we knew of...Chatmans.

It wasn't quite M&M G's...but it was good!

A mixed twelve piece, large fries, basket of corn niblets, a small side of macaroni & cheese and some soda later...we all held up our wings in salute of National FCD....this full stomach is for you oh crispy, non-flying fowl...thank you for all that you do.

I hit the gym extra hard today.

~n

Morning Sunshine

Most of you know my day starts much earlier than sunrise but every morning I'm so blessed to see a gorgeous sunrise welcoming me into the newsroom just after the newscast ends.
That's right...although not a window or corner office, my little cubicle has an amazing view. Funny how God works.

Just an observation

As I layed tossing and turning last night with George, in all his 18lbs of furry, fluffy glory perched atop my head hogging the pillow and little Bella so lovingly curled up in a ball at my side...I made a few observations.

While I do appreciate how cute it is that George cusps my face with his paws...his nails DESPERATLY need a trimming.

And Bella, so sweet as she sleeps - all 4.5lbs of her - it appears her new high priced food of pure "Lamb & Rice" gives her horrific gas.

Just an observation.

~n

Going Ape

So this morning we ran a story on a childless French couple who's adopting a Gorilla to raise as their own child. Not a baby gorilla, a full grown, 13-year old gorilla. A rip-your-arms-off-because-you're-hogging-the-bed gorilla.

As we come back from the story - it's a toss to weather and Paul comments - "They better sleep with one eye open, I tell you what." And we all start laughing. Then, during the toss to traffic, Paul asks me if I'd ever adopt a gorilla. Hell I can't even manage to share the bed with a dog, cat, boyfriend and the gaggle of pillows I've ammased over the years. And those who know me really well know I can't even keep a houseplant alive, let alone a gorilla!

Needless to say it was a hillarious day in the studio as we all broke into ape chants, roars and howls during the commercial break. And it didn't just last for the two minutes of commercials...the ape antics popped up all morning long, as did the bursts of hysterical laughter. Yeah that's how mature we news people are...we make animal noises.

Sometimes I wonder what people would think of us if they saw what really went on behind the scenes.

~n

Micky & The Motorcars

Tonight I had the opportunity to sit down with Micky Braun, front man of Micky & the Motorcars. The five member group was in the middle of sound check but Micky took a few minutes to chat with me on the tour bus (it was a little quieter in there)

He talked about the changes from driving across the country in a van, playing for beer and crashing on couches in city after city to touring in a bus and actually getting paid for gigs. It's been a long ten years of good times, tough times and great music.

The Braun brothers, Micky and Gary are also related to the Braun duo, Willy and Cody of Reckless Kelly. RK is also playing tonight at Gruene Hall. Micky tells me the four siblings are still close and support each other despite hectic touring schedules.

Check out the full interview where he talks life on the road, the early years, an upcoming record and the one thing most people don't know about him...it's good stuff.

Reflecting

It's been a long time since I've written anything for my personal blog. And for that I apologize. My life has dramatically shifted the last four months or so. I now get up at 2:30am and go to be at 7pm. My social life mid week is pretty much non existent and I live for naps lol.

But as I sit in my house at 11:20pm on the first mid-week late night up that I've had in months, knowing I have the day off tomorrow, I felt inspired to write.

What I've learned the last four months of being a traffic reporter/anchor is that we all, myself included, drive like jerks sometimes. That accidents happen when we least expect them and when we inevitably least need them. Most usually when we're running late or frustrated or stressed and always when we're caught off guard.

Its just like life...we all make mistakes. We all make bad judgement calls whether on the road or in our personal lives. Everyone of us, whether we admit it or not will glance at that text message or email, promising our selves it's just this one time.

Everyone of us will go a few miles over the speed limit, roll through a stop, run a light, cut someone off and often times it is by accident. Unfortunately sometimes those accidents catch up to us and it's just our turn to face the consequences.

I think about these things every morning at 6:55 when my traffic computer goes from practically void of accidents to stacked full of minor and major crashes. That's the point when everyone goes from merrily trucking along to "holy cow I'm running late."

Sometimes I'm able to see the carnage from the view of a Transguide camera, other times its just an anonymous map location. But I'm sure no one was thinking when they left the house that morning "I'm going to slam my car into something today." Yet it happens every morning without fail.

Does that make me a better driver because of this knowledge? Yes and no. I am only human. I too get stressed and frustrated when I have to sit in traffic at 4:55pm at Huebner and 10 when I'm headed to the gym. I too don't want to let "cheaters" in the lane ahead of me sometimes and I'm just as guilty of talking smack in my car about the person driving in front of me.

But what I have gained is some compassion and patience for the fact that I have to share the roads and this world with everyone around me and to always be on the lookout because you never know when fate may catch up with you and try to pass you in the fast lane.

Puppy Love

So I'm fostering a puppy...an adorable little 6 week old puppy. His name is Jack. I originally wasn't going to name him but I couldn't just keep calling him puppy. I'm trying not to get attached but it's hard. He's cute. Like all other puppies out there...he has that sweet little smell and a head that just begs for kisses.

Yes in a matter of two days little Jack has turned my world upside down. George, my cat, is not happy. There have been a few little piddles on the wood floors and one on the bed, and it's been quite amusing to watch the little guy toddle around on the hardwoods. By the way....he doesn't appreciate my beautifully polished hardwood floors that I work so hard to keep clean.

Other than dog sitting, which I do for several of my friends, this is the first time I've had a dog in my home on a regular basis for quite some time. I've been contemplating getting a dog for a few years now but I didn't really know if I was ready to take that step. Dogs are a big responsibility, they require walking, training, lots of attention and the like. I'm a very busy girl. I'm constantly on the go and George fits my lifestyle.

But deep in my heart I know that's not what's been keeping me from getting a dog. You see I used to have a dog. I had a precious little Yorkie named Bella. She was my little angel and my baby. I took her with me everywhere. She was my companion and my life mate. We were like two peas in a pod.

I still remember picking her out at the breeders and falling in love with her sweet little face. I remember reading everything I could about dogs and about Yorkies before I even brought Bella home so I'd be prepared. Just like a new parent, I puppy proofed my house, broke the bank buying supplies for her and vowed to do everything right.

Our first day together she slept in my lap and I lovingly watched her little belly move up and down as she napped. I was in love. I cooked her fresh chicken and rice for meals and we excelled at puppy obedience class...she was a star pupil.

My favorite time with her was when we would lay together watching TV and she would curl up on my chest and I would rest my chin on her back. At night she would ball up under the covers, always making sure some part of her was touching me - a tiny, little warm bundle of love. And every day when I came home from work she would be there in her pen, tail wagging, waiting for me...so happy I was home.

But two years ago, when I was moving to my new apartment, she got out during the move and her disappearance wasn't discovered until hours later. A part of me died that day. My heart just sank and then I went into survivor mode. I put up flyers in my old neighborhood, put ads in the paper, called shelters and cried for days. It was all to no avail. Bella didn't come home.

After that I just didn't know if I could ever get a dog again. I resigned myself to the fact that maybe I just wasn't a dog person after all. That maybe it was just supposed to be me and George. That was until this week when I was asked to foster a puppy.

Now I'm house training and cuddling and "good boying" this adorable, cow colored, little mutt who just needs a good dose of love. I really don't know what I'm going to do in two weeks when I have to give him up. Maybe, just maybe I'll be ready to get a little puppy of my own.

By the way you can follow Jacks adventures on twitter @pupjack

#21 Stopping to Smell the Roses

Sometimes things change in your life when you least expect them to. You're going on your merry way and all of a sudden you're faced with a truth - a truth you can no longer ignore or pretend isn't there. A truth you know is going to turn your whole world upside down. I was faced with such a truth last week.

I had but two choices - speak my mind or try to ignore that little voice inside of me that has never steered me wrong. That little voice of reason who seems to cut through my selfishness and helps me see when I'm wrong. Some people call it women's intuition I prefer to think of it as my God consciousness. Its that feeling I get when I know I need to start doing or thinking the right thought or action. So I did. And its been painful ever since.

Rarely has been doing the right thing ever been easy and its not usually as near as much fun as doing the wrong thing. Whether it's fessing up to a lie, telling someone "You're right" or just saying "I'm sorry" - doing the right thing can bring about horrible amounts of fear and anxiety. But as my good friend Heather always says "the only way out is through," she just never mentions the fact that the journey is often tough, painful and an excellent example of a time to grow.

Often times I've heard people say life isn't a bed of roses but I had an opportunity this weekend to hear a speaker explain it a little differently. She said life is exactly a bed a roses - full of beautiful wonderful smells but there are a lot of thorns too.

Right now I've pricked myself on a few thorns making my way through this rose bed called life and that's ok. If there's one thing I've learned over the years is that time heals all wounds. Broken hearts mend, frowns eventually turn back into smiles and there is nothing like a good bout of laughter to make you forget your troubles for a while.

Does that mean things are going to change overnight? No. But with each day the pain lessons a bit and the fake smile becomes a little more genuine, the laughter comes a little more frequent and I put one beautifully high heeled foot in front of the other until I can again stop and smell the roses, appreciating the joy they add to my life instead of focusing on the thorns they bring with them.

In the meantime I leave you with this - it's a song a new friend sent to me that touched me today. It's called A note to God.

#20 - Just like Grandma Used to Make

Tonight I did something that I've been too afraid to do for a year. That I've been afraid of screwing up. That I was afraid I just wouldn't get right. That it wouldn't be just like Grandma used to make. I made strawberry jam.

Last year, almost to the day, I lost my Cookie Grandma after a long bout with lung cancer. She was a trooper, fought it for many years but finally succumbed to the disease and passed. I flew back home to California for her funeral last year, spent Easter with my family and flew back here to San Antonio with several jars of my most prized keepsakes...her strawberry jam.

This was the jam she had been making for me since I was a old enough to gum down whole food. I have fond memories of being at her house, watching cartoons and eating toast with Grandmas special strawberry jam. She made it special for her #1 granddaughter who loved strawberries so.

She continued to make it for me long into my childhood and teenage years as I couldn't get enough of it for my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bagels and even peanut butter and jelly burritos - hey don't knock it till you've tried it.

I don't know how I would have survived life as a young adult and struggling reporter without her shipments of jam - lovingly freezer packed to my various markets of the Imperial Valley, Tucson and then weighing down my suitcases back to Texas.

So when she passed the thought of never having that piece of love to adorn my favorite meals left a huge hole in my heart. How could I ever possibly hope to recreate the masterpiece she so lovingly perfected. She had told me many times it was easy...just buy the certo and follow the directions on the box. But I never did it. It just wouldn't have that Cookie Grandma touch I told myself. So I never did...until tonight...on the anniversary of her death I made her jam.

I'll know in a few days how it turned out.

100 Blog Challenge - #19 - Pride

What is it about our pride that keeps us from saying and doing things that are on our mind? From taking the plunge, being vulnerable and putting yourself out there? Whether its taking a new job, ending a relationship, telling someone you love them, apologizing for being wrong or simply saying "yes those jeans make you look fat."

I am one of those managed risk people. I am cautious, dip my toes in the water and give it a little test before jumping in - at least most of the time.

However, sometimes I do jump in head first and end up slamming my head into the concrete. And then, only after coming to, with a massive headache and seeing stars, do I realize what's happened and what I've done.

Its that fear of getting into another headache style situation that keeps me from acting on the first impulse that comes into my head. That keeps me silent, when to speak would mean saying something that could never be taken back. You can't un-ring the bell after all.

But its also my pride and my fear of putting myself out there to look foolish or weak or dare I say it vulnerable to another person, that I might not be seen as the smart, sophisticated, confident, independent woman I strive to be, that also has kept me trapped in the status quo and has enabled me to live through years of misery - jobs I didn't like, relationships that weren't working, friendships that were destructive.

Its a delicate game of Russian roulette, this putting yourself out there, full of adrenaline and chance. Sometimes you pull the trigger and the chamber is empty - you breathe a big gulp of air, smile, revel in the rush and live to thrive another day. Other times your luck runs out and you're left with a big mess to clean up.

This weekend I pulled the proverbial trigger - the chamber was empty - my body was flooded with a warm sensation and I felt alive. I started to pull the trigger again tonight and chickened out. I think this round can wait for another day.

100 Blog Challenge - #18 - Dear Future Husband

So there was a trending topic today on Twitter that started with #dearfuturewife and some of the tweets were hilarious

@wayansjr: #dearfuturewife Yes, this gun is loaded. so, let's try and answer the "will u marry me" question right this time.

#DearFutureWife atleast play some video games with me once a week haha

#dearfuturewife if you cook pancakes like ihop you're MINES forever!

#DearFutureWife I'm now taking applications... A Credit check, STD test, & Autobiography will be needed to apply... #Okthanks

#Dearfuturewife do you know tiger woods?

Some other funny ones from a comedian that I follow on twitter @finessemitchell:

#dearfuturewife if u promise we will keep makin love, then I promise WE WILL BE JUST FINE! I GOT U MA! Go ahead,#buyBOTHpurses #sugadaddy

#dearfuturewife I want 3 kids... At LEAST! Know that before u say I DO! And it would b even nicer if u waz dey real Momma!#dontmakemedoit

#dearfuturewife Another headache 2nite? Really Bitch?...Really? I'll be back, I'm going 2 Umm, return a video to blockbuster #creepin

#dearfuturewife I would NEVER call u bitch. You are my QUEEN! But I would type it to my friends!

#dearfuturewife. I will DO WHATEVER u say! I promise!!! But U GOTTA DO WHTEVER I SAY FIRST!!! #ithinkthatsinthebible

#dearfuturewife. PLEASE LOVE PRO FOOTBALL! 4 me! PU-LEASE!!..................oh, and the cheerleaders! PU-LEASE!!!!

But after reading and laughing at all those tweets I started thinking about all the tweets I would send to my #dearfuturehusband. Here are a few of my nuggets of wisdom

#dearfuturehusband I don't cook, I barely clean and I don't want kids. If u DEMAND anything i'll probably tell u to go shove it-any takers?

#dearfuturehusband if u cant put the toilet seat down then u should be forced to go outside #learnfromthecatwhousesabox

#dearfuturehusband understand that i will always get the biggest closet and yes i really need all those pairs of black shoes kthanks

#dearfuturehusband i promise not to EVER drag you to a britney spears concert if you promise to never force me to listen to the Cure

#dearfuturehusband you can play with your friends, watch sports and bro-out just don't ever let me find you wearing my shoes

#dearfuturehusband understand that i am not a maid - we both get to clean the toilet and scrub the tub

#dearfuturehusband you are the official bug killer in the house - no matter what time of day or night #alergictobees

#dearfuturehusband i drink a lot of coffee and thus need flavored creamer and no milk n sugar wont do #imacoffeesnob

#dearfuturehusband yes u are bigger & stronger than me but if u ever lay a hand on me u will unleash a fury like no other

#dearfuturehusband i am fiercely loyal, will love you with all my heart & support you in all you do unless its immoral or unethical

#dearfuturehusband i look forward to a lifetime of love, laughter, challenges, triumphs and tears - lets enjoy this journey together

100 Blog Challenge - #17 - Such a bad Lentin

So I gave up sweets for Lent and for the first week and a half I did good...but then I fell off the no sweets aka the no candy, no soda, no ice cream, no cake wagon. And I didn't just fall off the wagon. After falling off said wagon, it actually backed up ran me over, stopped, pulled forward and ran over me again.

It started with a soda at work one afternoon when I was on a caffeine low. I justified it because it was a diet Dr. Pepper and it technically wasn't sugar.

A few days later I raided the candy jars at work for a couple bite sized snickers. I just needed a little something sweet to spice up my afternoon after lunch. They were little itty bitty snickers...barely even tasted them. They couldn't possibly count as a lent violation right??

Then Sunday rolled around. Thank God for Sundays during lent. Those are the cheat days. I gorged myself on my boyfriends mothers homemade cake with cream cheese frosting - like three pieces worth. I was like a little kid in a candy store and practically licked the plate clean

The next morning I was on such sugar withdrawls that I couldn't take it. I was jonsing so bad for something sweet it was unreal. I started drinking uber amounts of coffee because I use flavored creamer and that was the only sugar I can legally have via my pact with God.

I did good all week - until Friday when I had a soda at work - damn the soda machine downstairs. I couldn't wait for Sunday and scarfed down an entire bag of white chocolate covered pretzels. Such a glutton. Will the madness ever end?

Then one Monday night last week I cracked like an ancient piece of pottery that had been sitting in sun for years...I had a blizzard from Dairy Queen. Not just any blizzard but a butterfinger/reeses blizzard. Oh sweet Jesus it was good, every last sinful bite.

Yes I am a royal failure at Lent *sigh* But I keep trying. I had some more chocolate covered pretzels this Sunday but so far today, Monday, I'm candy/cake/ice cream/soda free. Wish me luck for the rest of this week. Hopefully I can hold out till Sunday. This week is going to drag on by.

100 Blog Challenge - #16 - Finding My Long Lost Brother

I called my brother Robert last night for the first time in almost three years. That's right I have a third brother. I don't talk about him much on my blog or twitter or Facebook. We're not that close. We should be but we're not.

Just like my other two brothers, Daniel and Scott, he's also a half brother. He's my fathers son. He's 26, will be 27 this October and lives in California. I haven't seen him since I went home for Christmas in 2007. In fact I can't even remember if we've talked since that short visit in Costa Mesa.

It was the night of my birthday dinner. I had just finished dining with my mom, step dad, Daniel, Scott, Grandma Sue, girlfriend Lisa and a few of her friends. Robert was driving in from Apple Valley with a friend - a four hour drive just to see me. He was lost, driving in circles in Costa Mesa and had pulled into a motel parking lot to rest until I could drive to him.

I remember pulling into the back of the parking lot and seeing him get out of the car. And there he was in all his 6'3" glory. Blonde hair, blue eyes and so happy to see his big sister. We talked for a few minutes. It was cold. Lisa was impatient. I had plans to be at a friends house. So we stood there in the parking lot and caught up on years and years worth of news in 20 minutes. Then I gave him $20 bucks for gas and we parted ways.

A part of me died when I left him in that parking lot knowing he was just going to turn around and drive back four hours to Apple Valley to a life of nothing going nowhere. I wanted to scream come with me back to Texas. Come live with me and go to school and let me help you. Let me show you how to have a better life. Anything is better than what you're living now. But instead I just drove away and waved as my car passed his in the parking lot.

We haven't spoken since then. I've tried to call the cell phone number that I had for him but I have a sneaking suspicion I have been leaving random voicemails on someone else's inbox. I tried the old email address I had for him but no response. Then last night I got up the courage to call my step mom Dixie.

This is the woman I have avoided calling all these years. The woman who brings up painful memories of my father and his death whenever I call. But she's also the woman I knew would know how to get in contact with her son, my brother, my Robert. So I called. And she answered. She indeed had a number to where Robert was living and gladly passed it on saying he'll be so happy to hear from you.

I took a deep breath and called Robert. A machine picked up. So I started to leave a message - Hello this is Natalie Tejeda can you please tell her brother Robert Tejeda to give her a call at ------ Holy F**k how the hell are you - my brother excitedly said as he picked up the line.

And that's how our hour and a half conversation started. We talked about life, love, relationships, hardships, work, coming out to visit me in Texas, his going back to school, my stepbrother Scott, my stepsister Paula and my whole gaggle of now grown and teenage nieces and nephews. We laughed about how we've each been trying to track each other down and that it should be easier to keep in better contact now that we're Facebook friends. But just in case we exchanged cell phone numbers.

By the end of our conversation I had a much lighter heart knowing that my little Robert, ok, my gentle giant of a brother Robert was eking along in life but starting to head in the right direction. That he had a little direction for what seemed like the first time in his adult life.

I slept easy knowing that through extending the olive branch and doing a little digging I was able to reconnect to someone very important in my life. Someone who deserves much more than just a quick chat and a $20 spot to get home safely. Someone like Robert, my blood, my brother.

100 Blog Challenge - #15 - The little things

These days its all about appreciating the little things. Right now I'm sitting in my house with the windows open and basking in the breeze. Its that attitude of: Does it get any better than this?

Just this morning I sat on my couch, drinking my coffee and thanked God for this beautiful blessing that he has bestowed on me. In fact that's how I start most of my mornings - in gratitude for everything that I've been given, especially my house.

It's a feeling of inner peace and serenity and I carry it with me throughout my day. It's a nice change from the chaos that I used to live in.

As a creature of habit I used to thrive on drama and chaos, living in fear of what each day would bring but yet not able to break the vicious cycle of pain that was a constant in my life.

Today life is so different. I work for God. Meaning I give of myself and help others as I think He would have me. Its a completely different way of living life then I ever did before and its entirely more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. That being said He has provided for me in a way that is indescribably more fulfilling then I could have ever hoped for.

Its allowed me to be grateful for the little things and not take anything for granted. Today I know that I am blessed and even though I wonder "Does it get any better than this?" I know it will.

100 Blog Challenge - #14 - Welcome to the Neighborhood

So I've decided to be neighborly and get out and meet my neighbors. Although I kind of new a few of my neighbors at my last place, I did live there for two years, I didn't know all my neighbors. But I figured since I bought this house I should get to know the neighbors.

So I started with cookies. Thats right I whipped up a few dozen of my famous peanut butter-hershey kiss cookies, loaded them on plates and started block walking in my Sunday finest.

My first house was my next door neighbors - the Rodriguez'. They are a super cool family of four who spent all Sunday working in the yard and chasing after their new little puppy Leo. Such an adorable dog!

Next I went across the street to Tom and Inja's house. They were the first people to come over and say hello on the day that I moved in. I remember Tom introduced his wife as Inja - like Ninja Turtle without the N.

Tonight I met Ruth - a sweet little old lady who's lived in her house for 50 years. She was funny, feisty and said she's not leaving her house till she dies hahahaha. She has a rottweiler and is all of 5 feet tall. I invited her to the housewarming party. I want her on my rockband challenge team lol.

I still haven't made all the rounds quite yet. Not everyone was home. But I'm hoping to finish all my cookie deliveries tomorrow night before it gets dark. One of my neighbors has a beware of dog sign and Ruth was telling me there was an "incident" with the dogs awhile back. I want to make sure I can see the exact location of these "puppies" before I go wandering into the yard.

They say good fences make good neighbors but I've always believed that a batch of cookies and a warm smile can seal the deal on a great friendship and so far I like the friends I'm making. Its good stuff.

100 Blog Challenge - #13 - Making a house a home

These past few weeks have been spent furiously unpacking and nesting as I attempt to find a place for everything and put everything in its place in my new home. I've had contractors, electricians, plumbers, gardeners and one very patient boyfriend at my beck and call to get my house in order. And still there is more to do.

Tonight I'm actually sitting on the couch in perfect peace and ease, looking around and going its almost done. Just a few more things to hang on the walls and I'll be done.

Its amazing the peace and serenity I feel in this house. Every morning when I wake up I take my cup of coffee, sit on the couch and thank God for the beautiful blessing that I have been given. This was something that I worked so hard for - for so long that I can't believe its really real.

Sometimes I think George can't believe its real either. It took him a while to get used to the new place. He hid for a few days under the bed and in his litter box not wanting to come out and explore. But now he's just like me - perfectly settled. Tonight he's sleeping on one of the new chairs I bought last weekend - all curled up in a little ball, his little kitten face one of sweet contentment. I haven't told him about the party next weekend - he's not going to like that one bit hahaha.

Next Saturday I'm having my housewarming party and opening up my place to all my friends, co-workers and neighbors. It should be a hell of a party and I can't wait. I love entertaining and this house is perfect for hosting.

Sometimes I wonder how life ever got this good and if it gets any better than this and then it does. Each day gets a little better than the next. I'm so blessed.